Remembering her

I forgot it was my mother's death anniversary 2 days ago. I remembered it 2 days before the date and reminded myself that I want to post a quote on facebook in remembrance of her on the actual day. And then I forgot.

I feel part guilty and part glad about this. Guilty that am I not remembering her every day now. And glad that maybe I am moving on. That my life is no longer just about losing her. I know I remember plenty about her when she was alive. But somehow I am afraid of thinking about her as it always becomes all about her leaving. And how that has become the foundation of all my fears and neuroses.

But I also know this. That she was something different. She is like the great women I hear stories about. She never did the nagging thing, or whining thing, or superstitious thing. She listened and learned so much in her later years and was always dying to go out to try the latest food or coffee in town. She endured pain and discomfort with a smile and a twinkle In her eye, right up to the end. I saw faith in God alive in her.

Ok, this is not a eulogy. Someday I'll write a book about her. Some day.