Musings of an imposter educator

Linked-In has just informed me that I have been in my job for 5 months. I have really only taught for 2. The first 3 months were a honeymoon, with me doing practically nothing and not knowing what to prepare myself for. When the semester started proper, it was like a tsunami hit and I just went along with it, not really registering what it was. Now it's already term break and i get a chance to record my reflections.

I had a hard time somewhere in that 2 months as my relationship with my mentor hitting a brick wall. I was too used to doing things my own way and not used to having people tell me off condescendingly. I am also completely not wary of stepping into others' territory. I took offense with so many things that she did and said and struggled with whether I should have a talk with her. I didn't. As the days went on, my loathing for her grew. Then at my mid year review with my reporting officer, I spilled all my negative feedback about her. I felt immense relief when I was told I'm not the only one who feels this way about her. In fact, that took the load off my heart and turned the whole perspective of this situation around for me. I shared my thoughts with some of the others in the team and they all had almost the exact experience with her that I had.

So it seems she's insecure and she really yearns for more status in terms of salary and rank. She wants to lead the team as well. Obviously she has never experienced the can of worms that people management is. I'm not sure if I should reach out to her. Others have tried and told me it's futile.

But I must say I have grown and matured some. It doesn't really bother me that she doesn't talk to me. In fact I forget that sometimes. I was never able to do that in the past. But I do want to make things better so that I don't stumble her. As a Christian, I feel responsible for creating a positive impression.

I also made a ton of mistakes which was a real downer. It was a task getting myself back on track. It still is.

So anyway, back to teaching. In a polytechnic setting, we are technically educators and lecturers. However due to the age of our students and the way times have changed, our role still is very much as a nurturer and more akin to that of a teacher in the traditional sense.

Most of my students are wonderful and the time I spend with them is gold. I relish the preparation, learning and researching I have to do. I feel enriched and able to grow. At the same time I need to still be a practitioner so that I can be relevant and not sit in an ivory tower. I will share my plans for that in another post.

So this was my dream job and it has remained so. As in so far so good.

The routine is also doing me good. Waking up early and going to bed early is something I never thought I'd be able to do. And guess what, I don't mind it as much as I thought i would. I love having weekends again. The past months of not doing working made weekends worthless and I was so unproductive it became absurd. Not sure if it really contributed to my anxiety like what everyone said. More of that in another post.

I still miss running a cafe. I think I will always miss it. It feels like that was a time of my life that time slowed down and I was able to not rush to anything or anywhere. I will always cherish those 4 years.